An Exit, Reinvented

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-28T11:32:00

2004-11-28T19:37:25Z

GOSH!!!
THERE'S LIKE 48973 MORE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO ADD ME ON MY NEW NAME!!!

REGULARPERFECT

ADD PLEASE!!!

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-20T17:52:00

2004-11-21T01:52:34Z

i have a new journal everyone. name = regularperfect

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-20T10:29:00

2004-11-20T18:29:06Z

C'EST MOI!!!

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-20T10:16:00

2004-11-20T18:27:23Z

I HAVE A NEW JOURNAL
GO AND ADD ME

C'EST MOI!!!

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-19T21:20:00

2004-11-20T05:23:57Z

today was a pretty good friday! i woke up on time and went to school. History teacher didn't collect notebooks so that was awesome. Math - probably did maybe okay on a test. English was lovely, I got a good half hour of sleep. Then later i went to Vinaka with Cameron. Coffee is good and so is talking. HAHAH i don't have to call him "Christi's friend" anymore.

Now I have 8 saturdays in a row, and i don't know what to do with most of them. If someone wants to do something CALL ME or whatever. I can't do anything on...monday all day or tuesday at night or wednesday all day. sooo call me. and thursday and friday nights are open, just after dinner (DUH)

<33 ♥ <33

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-16T21:56:00

2004-11-17T05:59:04Z

1. Tell me one thing you love about me, and one thing you hate.

2. Tell me two things you love about yourself, and one that you hate.

3. Tell me three things you love about someone else who i know.

4. Tell me four things you want to know about me.

5. Do this in your journal!!!!!

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-15T18:02:00

2004-11-16T02:09:59Z

i'm so sad it's making me crazy.
i'll put on my mask for the world.
but when i smile at you and laugh, remember that inside i'm really crying.
i could throw away everything i own and still wonder.
i'd still cry for everything i never had.
i HATE being emotional. HATE!!!
but what i can't stand more is that i'm sad for a stupid reason.
i'm sad for a stupid person.....ME!!!
why am i sad for me....why?!
i don't deserve it, i could be trying to help someone else.

i'm making myself crazy. i'm a crazy-maker.

not to mention i have no real friends.
goddamn.
don't comment i don't want it.

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-14T23:59:00

2004-11-15T08:10:39Z

i could be in bed.
but my mom isn't home yet. and i'm not comfortable with that.
i could have a life.
but i don't because i can be a bit on the shy side.
i could be everything i'm not.
but then i'd be lying.
i could fight for what i really believed in.
but i'm weak.
i could raise my voice and tell everyone what i want.
and be hurt for it.
i could cry right now for everything you've said.
and i think i will.

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-14T09:07:00

2004-11-14T17:08:30Z

amazing love how can it be, that my king would die for me
wow so last night was actually way more fun than i was expecting. i'm sorry christi...

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-12T14:16:00

2004-11-12T22:17:52Z

a chaotic end: what would you do if i gave you a cookie?
SmarterChild: Well, what do you think?
a chaotic end: would you eat it?
SmarterChild: Uh... No, I just brushed my teeth.
a chaotic end: well then what would you do?
SmarterChild: What would I do? I don't know.
a chaotic end: i think you would eat it.
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever.

a chaotic end: do you have a brain?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't think so...
a chaotic end: you can't think anything if you don't have a brain
SmarterChild: I can't think anything if I don't have a brain? Oh really?
a chaotic end: yeah so how can you think you don't have one?
SmarterChild: How can I think I don't have one? I have no idea how.
a chaotic end: you can't have an idea if you don't have a brain.
SmarterChild: I can't have an idea if I don't have a brain? I don't know about that, quite frankly.
a chaotic end: you can't KNOW IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BRAIN
SmarterChild: No way.
a chaotic end: yes way.
SmarterChild: No way.

a chaotic end: do you have shoes?
SmarterChild: I absolutely have shoes.
a chaotic end: what color?
SmarterChild: Who can really be sure, after all?
a chaotic end: oh you don't have eyes
SmarterChild: I'm pretty sure I do have eyes.
a chaotic end: oh well are you color blind?
SmarterChild: Uh, sure.
a chaotic end: well tell me what color your shoes are.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
a chaotic end: TELL ME!
SmarterChild: I will not.
a chaotic end: please
SmarterChild: Please what?
a chaotic end: tell me what color your shoes are
SmarterChild: Tell you what?
a chaotic end: THE COLOR OF YOUR SHOES
SmarterChild: That a fact?
a chaotic end: you really don't have a brain..
SmarterChild: Why do you think I really don't have a brain?
a chaotic end: you suck at answering questions
SmarterChild: There's no way I suck at answering questions!
a chaotic end: YOU DO!
SmarterChild: No I don't.
a chaotic end: yeah you suck at it.
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess I suck at it.

a chaotic end: you're hurting my feelings
SmarterChild: Is it good to be hurting your feelings?
a chaotic end: NO it's very very mean.
a chaotic end: EXTREMELY MEAN
a chaotic end: horrible.
SmarterChild: That's odd.
a chaotic end: it's not odd to be mean. you're mean. are you odd?
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that?
a chaotic end: being mean isn't odd. unless...are you odd?
SmarterChild: Wow. I'm not sure about that. Not sure at all.
a chaotic end: well think really hard
SmarterChild: You want me to think really hard?
a chaotic end: yeah
SmarterChild: K.
a chaotic end: so is being mean odd?
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that.
a chaotic end: YOU ALREADY DID
SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever.

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-11T10:26:00

2004-11-11T18:32:01Z

christi is awesome
mhm mhm mhm
and her dad makes the best breakfast
and great blueberry pancakes like a mile wide
and i like MAKEUP <33
and i like the perfume Amor Amor by Cacharel
and i bought black hair dye...
so i guess when you see me on friday i'll have black hair
and i have to go to the dentist
and i love you...

OH CAN'T FORGET
it's perfectly normal to blast underoath in front of VONS

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-06T23:17:00

2004-11-07T07:18:04Z

underØATH was awesome. AWESOME!!! unbelievable. <33

axchosenxone @ 2004-11-01T06:34:00

2004-11-01T14:38:11Z

i haven't updated in a while...i hope i still know how to :) here goes....

last night was pretty damn fun. it's sad i had to go home so early, but otherwise it was a good halloween. trick-or-treating was entertaining, except for the whole me not getting any candy part. but i decided not to so what can i say! that movie was cheesy and oooold but i was still scared haha. i'm such a DORK. (dorkus porpoise KARI)

oh and michael paul's ferret is cute. i just think i'll say that seven days a week every minute of the day from now on ( ;) ). and i'm cold. it's supposed to be in the 70's today but WINDY. and wind = lower temperatures = coldness.

i didn't turn my essay in to turnitin.com and i hope spanier will give me another day since my computer's are RETARDED. i typed it on the one that doesn't have internet connection so now i have to go and retype it on the desktop which i plan on doing tonite. i'll use the "i was at my dad's" excuse. OH MAN that's horrible.

<33 you all ( i love you so much it should be <88 )

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-25T05:57:00

2004-10-25T13:00:25Z

there's nothing left to say

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-23T22:29:00

2004-10-24T05:30:38Z

i'm at christi's
aren't you all JEALOUS

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-21T06:44:00

2004-10-21T13:48:22Z

1. Tell me something obvious about yourself.

2. Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.

3. What is your biggest fear?

4. Do you normally take the safe route or the shortcut?

5. What is the one thing you want the most that you can't buy with money?

6. What is your most treasured possession?

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do the most often?

8. Tell me something about you sexually that I don't know.

9. Tell me something about you sexually that everybody knows.

10. What is your favorite lie to tell?

11. Name something you have done once that you can't wait to do again.

12. Are you the jealous type?

13. What is the one person, place or thing that you can never say no to?

14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?

15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?

16. When was the last time you cried?

17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?

18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?

19. Name something embarrassing you did while drunk.

20. If you post this in your journal, do you want me to answer it?

For all of you that care: it went well and he talked about himself for half an hour after i told him. He doesn't seem to care. I should be thankful.

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-20T17:32:00

2004-10-21T00:48:06Z

today i'm going to approach my dad with the idea that i won't spend time with him(right now i'm at his house wednesday nights and saturdays) except for family visits and other occaisions he thinks i should attend, and i won't sleep at his house anymore. i really dislike him, his views on life, how he treats me, and the way i feel at his house. my mom calls it emotional abuse. he makes me feel constantly insufficient and inferior. the psychiatrist says it's his way of controlling everything. i don't understand it. all i know is i always end up crying and feeling worse than i did before. he makes no sense and all the therapists who try to help him end up telling him to stop coming to therapy, because he doesn't listen to what they say. that's why my parents got divorced: he stopped trying. if he felt strongly enough about it he would fight. that's the part that hurts the most, he just stops trying. he says he wants to have a better relationship with me but if it came down to me being with him at all, he'd just let me go. that hurts so much. everytime i think about this it makes me sick to my stomach, and i hope i am able to keep from throwing up in german class tonight. currently, i am almost doubled over because of how sick this makes me. he and i have a relationship more like friends than a parent to a child, which makes it so much easier for him to yell and scream at me about how inferior and selfish and undeserving i am. it hurts so much, though. it hurts worse than a paper cut. it hurts worse then when i broke my ankle. it hurts.

wish me luck

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-20T15:34:00

2004-10-20T22:35:09Z

okay so i just got home from in 'n' out with meg and christi. i had lunch. it was good. i like milkshakes. especially VANILLA!!! yes.

so anyhow I ASKED FOR AN EXTENSION AND WE HAVE UNTIL TUESDAY TO FINISH OUR ENGLISH PROJECT and in other news i still love the rain.

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-19T06:47:00

2004-10-19T13:50:51Z

my mom woke me up like twelve gajillion (ok like 2) times last night because of the power outages. WHEE. i had to reset my clock a million times. but it's okay because she forgot to wake me up at the last one so i woke up late anyway. i love how all of that made no difference.

i really hope meg didn't wake up cause i don't really wanna go to first period...i mean. *cough cough* OH SNAP.

hum drum i'm awake. i started a new livejournal. but it's just for ME and such. if i ever feel like it or i'm going to die soon, i'll tell you all the username. but for now....NON!

<♥3

P.S. Meg's here, dammit....

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-17T16:35:00

2004-10-17T23:39:11Z

beat upon the window
fists of water rushing past
drench the cement and the flowers
smothering everything
no prejudice, at last

molecules don't care
they can't see your face
they falls, splatters, drips
from sticky black leather
to your grandmother's lace

nothing can evade it
everything is affected
you can't decide which way to run
so stand in the street
let it rain, submersing everyone

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-15T22:06:00

2004-10-16T05:37:54Z

I hate him.

L A Y E R O N E

-- Name: Jenn
-- Birthday: APril 5, 1988
-- Birthplace: La Jolla, CA
-- Current Location: Carlsbad
-- Eye Color: BLUE
-- Hair Color: brown naturally, but sort of a burgundy (??)
-- Height: somewhere around 5'5"? I'm not sure.
-- Righty Or Lefty: RIGHTY

L A Y E R T W O

-- Your Heritage: german and my dad's family has been living in the United States since the 1500's
-- The Shoes You Wore Today: flowery converse and then regular converse
-- Your Weakness: other people :-/ if you're sad i'll do everything i can to make you feel better
-- Your Fears: mostly...not being good enough. which i'm not. so i'm living my greatest fear.
-- Your Perfect Pizza: KNOCKOUT with tomato slices and basil
-- Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: if i make goals then i just dissapoint myself when i don't reach them.

L A Y E R T H R E E

-- Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: omg (lyke OMG!!!)
-- Your Thoughts First Waking Up: damn. another day in which i discover how utterly useless i am and then feel like shit about it.
-- Your Best Physical Feature: i don't have any. i wihs i were invisible.
-- Your Bedtime: weekdays - before 12 or at 12. weekends - when i'm asleep.
-- Your Most Missed Memory: playing house with XSTI at la costa heights

L A Y E R F O U R

-- Pepsi Or Coke: i think....no, no i don't.
-- McDonald's Or Burger King: in 'n' OUT!!!
-- Single Or Group dates: dating....we aren't going to talk about that.
-- Lipton Ice tea Or Nestea: um...peppermint?
-- Chocolate Or Vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino Or Coffee: COFFEE

L A Y E R F I V E: Do You...

-- Smoke: i have, but i don't.
-- Cuss: i do when ... it fits the situation.
-- Sing: in the shower :) and in the mornings before school.
-- Take A Shower Everyday: yesa, but i don't wash my hair everyday
-- Do You Think You've Been In Love: no. definitely. not. and if i have then it sucks.
-- Want To Go To College: yeah...i have to is more like it.
-- Liked High School: i hate it. it's so cliched and stereotyped.
-- Want To Get Married: mhm
-- Believe In Yourself: not really. i basically suck at everything but sleeping.
-- Get Motion Sickness: nope!
-- Think You're Attractive: no. sorry, but i'm butt ugly.
-- Think You're A Health Freak: nope...i like in 'n' out...
-- Get Along With Your Parents: um no. my mom mostly, but NEVER my dad.
-- Like Thunderstorms: YES i love spreading sheets out on the floor and laying on them and watching the lightening through the windows. mmmm.

L A Y E R S I X: In The Past Month...

-- Drank Alcohol: yeah
-- Smoked: nope!!
-- Done A Drug: nope
-- Gone On A Date: hahah no sorry more like not in the last...long time
-- Gone To The Mall?: yeah...or wait. OH yeah like last friday.
-- Eaten An Entire Box Of Oreos: nope!
-- Eaten Sushi: YES i freaking love sushi. raw tuna. mmm.
-- Been On Stage: nope
-- Been Dumped: doesn't that require dating?
-- Gone Skinny Dipping: hahah not YET
-- Stolen Anything: nope. well a pencil...from my brother...

L A Y E R S E V E N: Ever...

-- Been Trashed Or Extremely Intoxicated: not to my knowledge.
-- Been Called A Tease: no sorry
-- Gotten Beaten Up: no, but people have wanted to
-- Shoplifted: nope. that's not nice.

L A Y E R E I G H T

-- How Do You Want To Die: i'd like to die for something i believe in. not anything like falling in the shower or some dumb shit. i want to die when i'm really old, or for an excellent reason.
-- What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up: older...and wiser
--What Country Would You Most Like To Visit: i want to live in france

L A Y E R N I N E: In a girl/guy

-- Best Eye Color?: one that contrasts there hair color
-- Best Hair Color?: it really doesn't matter as long as he has some.
-- Short Or Long Hair: yes!
-- Height: taller or same height. taller. TALLER.
-- Best Weight: eh who cares. just be nice.
-- Best article of clothing: i always look at people shoes first....

L A Y E R T E N

-- Number Of Drugs Taken: hmm...ok i'll say none
-- Number Of People I Could Trust With My Life: probably about 3. i don't trust people, so don't be offended if it's not you. (2 out of the 3 are family members)
-- Number Of CDs That I Own: not so many anymore. mostly songs are on my ipod.
-- Number Of Piercings: just one in each ear. so original.
-- Number Of Tattoos: i'm GOING to get one.
-- Number Of Things In My Past That I Regret: i regret so many things i don't have enough time in my life to tell you all of them. i've made so many mistakes that served no purpose; done so many things that just hurt people. i'm sorry.

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-14T21:34:00

2004-10-15T04:36:41Z

So cry yourself to sleep

today was pretty cool. school was alright. in 'n' out was awesome!!! AND i love talking with xsti. she just....gets it. and i seem to get it too!!! it's awesome.

I need something to do after school tomorrow. at least, i need a ride home. and someone to come hang out with me. or someone who wants to go do something. and has a ride. ♥

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-13T09:09:00

2004-10-13T16:11:15Z

a quote from RYAN in my journalism class:

"Mormon's say their bodies are temples. Well, my body is a temple. It's all dusty and no one's allowed to touch anything."

P.S. Bitches love me cause they know that I can rock....

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-12T21:12:00

2004-10-13T04:18:33Z

why do i have to go and like people. it's so pointless. why does everything have to be so complicated. it's just a waste of time.
♥X♥

axchosenxone @ 2004-10-10T22:22:00

2004-10-11T05:29:28Z

this weekend was pure.
i loved it for what it was, and am glad there was nothing less and nothing more.
i got to hang out with a group of people, and i also got to hang out with just a few.
i love that.

i hope my week is just as good.
i hope everyone loves me as much as i love them, and i hope no one feels unloved or unloving.
i hope that after school on friday, i begin another excellent weekend.